DEAR ABBY: I brought my 68-year-old immigrant father to live with me permanently with the intention of caring for him. He was completely dependent. Halfway through the year, I got angry, told him to move back and vowed to myself I would never ever care for him again. It wasn’t that he did anything wrong; I don’t know why I got so angry.

He wound up living alone, being helped by his friends. I knew he was suffering, but I couldn’t bring myself to bring him back to live with me. I was cruel, and it hurt him. I let his green card lapse. He died two years later.

Since then, I have been overwhelmed with guilt. I should have cared for my father. I am depressed over my actions. Please tell me how I can move forward.

— GUILT-RIDDEN

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: Performing the role of caregiver is an enormous undertaking. While it can be rewarding, it can also be exhausting, unrelenting and stressful. Caregivers have been known to lose their tempers because of the pressure.

Please consider scheduling some appointments with a licensed mental health professional who can help you more fully understand what happened between you and your father and help you cope with your guilt. And in the future — once you are able — consider atoning by volunteering for a charity that serves the elderly.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a functioning alcoholic for more than 30 years. He was once funny and nice and a good dad. But over the years he has become unbearable to live with. He doesn’t shower or brush his teeth. He was always mainly a beer drinker, but now he is drinking hard liquor and stays drunk most of the time. I told him he’s a severe alcoholic, and he should talk to his doctor, but he refuses. I am pretty sure he is drinking on the job.

— LOST

DEAR LOST: You don’t need me to tell you that your husband is in bad shape. I am surprised he can get away with having such poor hygiene and being drunk at work.

Because he refuses to talk to his doctor about this, you should. I hope you realize that you cannot “save” him. Al-Anon, an offshoot of Alcoholics Anonymous may help you. Find information about meetings by going to al-anon.org/info.